Having children is a blessing, but of course, it comes with difficulties. Parenting isn’t easy, especially if you have more than one child. They can be competitive, they can fight over toys or affection, they can often disagree and you need to find a way to balance all these problems.
It’s understandable for personalities to clash and it’s normal to have misunderstandings. And conflict between people in the same family is not so uncommon. No matter how much we love each other, it’s impossible to agree all the time.
But it is up to you, as a parent to mediate between your children. To make them understand that it’s about family, values and less about rivalry, who wins or who looses.
Here are a few tips on how to help your children get along:
1. Teach them to put feelings into words
Try to talk to them whenever there is a conflict. Teach them how to deal with what they are feeling and put it into words. Because sometimes children have difficulty voicing feelings, hence using body language.
This way you can prevent conflict and you make them understand what makes them react badly. So next time they can behave better and try to solve things, even without your intervention. Of course, this will be a constant thing you will need to do, it doesn’t take just one lesson and they will be good children all the time. It’s constant learning, for you and for them.
2. Reason and calm
We all know when there is a conflict between children, sometimes the first impulse is to admonish their behavior. But it’s proven to be a bad decision, not effective at all and on the long run, it creates frustrations.
Teach them to stand up for themselves, to voice what bothered them at that moment and to reach a common ground. It might not be easy, but this way you learn a lot more than you think! You discover the likes and dislikes of your children and you can also prevent moments that can raise conflict.
3. Don’t compare
One common mistake some parents do, is comparing their children to each other or to other children. Not only it creates the proper ground for insecure feelings but it makes them less motivated. It makes your children feel like whatever they do, they cannot be good enough. And that is a terrible feeling that will follow them into adulthood.
Even positive comparison can be damaging. So encourage them in their uniqueness, cherish their quirks and their mistakes. We all make them, even as adults. Nobody is perfect. So teach them what is to teach, help them get over mistakes and learn along. Don’t push negative feelings onto them because you’re frustrated or tired.
4. Help them be a team
Try to make them work together as a team and reward them often. Give them small amount of money for sweets or toys, so this way they can decide together what they will spend them on. Make them feel good while doing things as a team, it will help them get along on a long therm and even as adults.
5. Encourage them to love each other
Let them know that family is about love and support, understanding and a deep connection. Try to grow those values not only by word, but also reinforce them as facts. Let them know you love your children equally and that they are both important. Laugh together, teach them empathy and guide them lovingly trough life.
These are just some of the things you can do for your children. By respecting them, loving them and giving the right care, they will become fulfilled adults.